Carol’s Column

Leather, latex and lingerie ripe for the plucking

It had to happen. Sex in Africa. Sex with a big S - as in Sex Supermarket. In two days' time, the largest sex supermarket on the African continent opens its doors. Where? In Parow, somnolent Cape Town, of all places.

Two enterprising entrepreneurs, Con Bletsas of Australia and Arthur Calamaras of the United States, have decided that it's time South Africans were made more aware of the pleasures which could await them. Adult World is, according to Con, "gi-normous" throughout Australia and the US.

This sex supermarket, the size of a rugby field, will be housed in a massive hangar. Euphemistically called an "adult" store, it will contain the most comprehensive selection of sex goodies to be seen south - and north - of the Limpopo.

"Well," said Con, "I think there will be a healthy demand in this country for our various products. They'll go down like a bomb. Or up," he added with reflection.

"So, what actually will one be able to buy at this new African sex emporium?" I asked.

"Everything," exclaimed Con. "The three Ls, leather, latex and lingerie. Naughty toys, magazines, CD-Roms, pleasure toys, videos, love toys, salacious playing cards, witty phallic pens. You name it and we will have it."

Now, what is the difference between a naughty toy and a pleasure toy? I wondered aloud.

"A jumping penis is a naughty toy," explained Con. For the ignorant, a jumping penis is a small wind-up toy on wheels with a spring. When activated, it bounces around rather like a miniature kangaroo.

"And a pleasure toy?"

"Ah, a pleasure toy is a blow-up love doll – and, naturally, we have them in all colours and all races," said Con. "We also have blow-up sheep. Very popular in Australia."

"With the South African market in mind, we've asked our manufacturer to make blow-up lions and blow-up hippos. And we're also looking at a blow-up elephant."

Let alone the South African mind, my mind boggled.

"Is there really a market for this kind of store here?" I wanted to know.

"Absolutely," replied Con assertively. "You know, if you can have the choice of an ordinary boring old condom or one that glows in the dark, wouldn't you go for the big glow?"

To tell the truth, I’d never thought about it.

"In fact, our condom line is one of the most successful worldwide. You can buy condoms in every shape, size and flavour. One that goes up particularly well overseas is the banana condom," he added enthusiastically.

Then it was Dr Ruth time. "Our business also has a serious side," he assured me.

"We can help people with medical problems. We have literature, educational videos, films, aids and devices for every problem. Impotence, penis pumps, videos to assist lack of stimulation. You can learn to do things you didn't even know existed."

"With blow-up lions?" I murmured.

"With anyone," he said.

"What made you open your sex supermarket in Cape Town?" I asked. "Wouldn't it have made more sense to start with a bang in Gauteng, the heart of the nation?"

"Well, we thought we'd start from the bottom upwards," retorted Con. "We'll be opening in Johannesburg some time this year."

For the opening launch, international porn star Christi Lake will be displaying what is possible and impossible with her numerous assets.

Con's parting shot: "Carol, pop in and see us. You'll love our blow-up boobs. With them, you can change your mood."

What more could any girl want? A blow-up elephant, perhaps?

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