Carol’s Column

Polite police and rapid post a pleasure

The thing about being on holiday in a foreign country is that so much is different. Now you wouldn't imagine England to be so foreign, after all we more or less speak the same language.

Take, for instance, the postal services in this extremely well-populated island. No matter where in the UK you send a letter, it always arrives the next day, or the day after. In other words, there is a two-day internal service.

Now I don't know whether or not the post goes by rail or car, all I know is that it arrives the next day. And that, to a South African, is impressive.

The other totally impressive thing about England is the police.

On three occasions I have been in a car stopped by police (who handle traffic control here). On the first, we drove across a line of traffic, inadvertently cutting off the driver behind. We were pulled over to the side by a policeman.

That's it, I thought to myself. We'll have to pay a massive traffic fine and there goes the rest of our paltry travel allowance.

Not a bit of it. "Hello, Sir," said the tall policeman. "Is everything all right? You look as if you might be lost."

And with that, he proceeded to direct us with care to exactly where we were going.

The second time we were pulled over was during a routine police check. "Good evening, everything okay?" I asked a policewoman.

"Hello, Officer," said my new daughter-in-law's father. "We've just come from our children's wedding.

"Oh, congratulations, Sir," she said. "Enjoy the rest of the evening." And with a large smile, she waved us on our way.

The third stoppage happened in Cornwall en route to the Royal Cornwall Show where we'd thought we might pop in to see the fastest sheep-shearer in Cornwall, eat the finest award-winning Cornish pasty (cooked by Granny Dorcus Trevone), or gasp at the girth of the roundest pig in Cornwall before he was led away to mount some lucky female pig.

It was not to be. The officer on the road suggested we turn around and go to the beach rather than spend three hours in a queue to the entrance. So we did.

Switching on the TV news makes South Africans immediately feel at home. Four items have dominated the news. The British diplomat assassinated by terrorists in Greece, the abolition of fox-hunting, the war in Sierra Leone and Hansie Cronje.

The South African cricket scandal is the second news item each day and we have seen blow-by-blow accounts of Hansie, Herschelle Gibbs et al.

Then there are the funny things that preoccupy the British too. Like the case of a dog called Friedrich which has been widely reported in several papers.

A report read: "That madman took aim at my helpless little Friedrich (a chihuahua) as he romped on the lawn, gave a weird cackle and then fired."

Speaking was Ingrid Schwarzburger of Bonn, Germany, describing how her jilted lover, soldier Hans Dorbrecht, gained his revenge via her dog.

Soldier Hans used a borrowed rocket-propelled grenade launcher.

"One second Friedrich was happily playing with his chew-toy, the next second bloody chunks (of Friedrich) were flying in all directions."

The unhappy incident happened because Friedrich nipped Soldier Dorbrecht's derriere as the couple were intimately entwining. Little Friedrich, it appears, couldn't resist the sight of Soldier Dorbrecht's large, bouncing and tempting bottom. Hence the nip.

Ms Schwarzburger laughed instead of sympathising. Soldier Dorbrecht was not happy.

Such news from a neighbouring EU country keeps the British entranced, which says something for this small island.

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