Carol’s Column

Don’t crunch, rather munch pesky snails

Over the years, snails have on a number of occasions, slithered into my column. Usually in a negative way, and invariably, they are accompanied by suggestions on how to annihilate them.

I am again writing about the onslaught of snails. But this week, I am happy to tell you how I have personally overcome this problem.

The ordinary, common, garden snail cannot be considered dangerous in the same way, as say, the mosquito which spreads diseases such as malaria.

That said, the snail does tend to eat everything around it with voracity.

In fact, the snail found lurking in the cannas and the petunias is a one-snail demolition system.

Recently, I planted vegetables in an attempt to be self-sustaining and noticed that within days, the snails had abandoned their customary leaves and moved straight on to my lettuce, radish, baby chard, and even parsley.

It was while surveying the problem, that two old sayings occurred to me: "If you can't beat them, join them" and "Supply and demand."

Perhaps, I thought to myself, I've been approaching the problem from the wrong end.

If the French eat snails with gusto, then surely these small, hard-shelled and quite attractive little creatures can be harnessed.

In other words, instead of occupying the place in the food chain they presently do (the one above me, as they eat my food), they could, like in a tennis Round Robin move one notch below and I would eat them.

I had thought, before surfing the Internet to discover the facts about snails, that in order for them to become edible to humans, it was necessary to change their diet.

Not so, copious snail information revealed it is not what snails eat that makes the difference, it is how they are cooked that matters.

Which makes sense, if you think about it. We don't try to persuade rabbits to change their diets, or game or cattle or fish. If we're set on eating them, we do, despite their culinary preferences.

Thus, why should snails be any different?

So, I caught 20, not at all difficult, and instead of squashing them, placed them in salt water - apparently it kills them quickly and relatively harmlessly. I prefer to be humane in matters of snail slaughter.

Then, preparing a suitable cooking vessel, I placed them in it, adding butter, suitable herbs and plenty of crushed garlic.

Saying a snail prayer, I grilled them to perfection.

I would like to say they tasted like those you find in any smart "white-table-cloth" restaurant, but I cannot be modest.

They were simply superb.

Without doubt, the best snails I had ever eaten and this includes the very expensive snails of France, Belgium, London and New York.

The bottom line is this. Years ago, I met a wonderful man called Charlie Kark, who, at the age of 74, decided he was tired of being a gynaecologist. Instead, he decided he'd like to stop baby catching and try his hand at farming.

After much research, he found there was a need in South Africa for mushrooms and so, in his garden in Bryanston, he began a small mushroom farm and called it Silver Stream.

The rest is the stuff of legends.

Last weekend, I invited some friends to a snail bake. Without exception, they commented on the succulent quality of the snails and asked me where I had found them.

When I said "in the garden", they thought I was joking. Ah well.

This has taught me two things. Firstly, even a foe can become a dinner dish.

Secondly, it's difficult to find the ideal name for my new snail venture ... Snailbites? Snail Delight?

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