Carol’s Column

Lay on jacuzzis for Fifi and Spot

I HAVE booked the Civic Centre for a Grand Function on Wednesday night. And, of course, all the appropriate dignitaries have been asked. The State President, Cliff Saunders, Taubie Kushlick, Harry Oppenheimer, Henry Cele, Tony Sanderson and other such well knowns.

The occasion? A gala evening to celebrate National Pet Care Week when all South Africans are asked to love, honour and cherish their pets.

Throughout the land, dog and cat shows will be taking place, pet days will be happening and even veterinarians have offered to neuter your dog, cat or goldfish at a much reduced price.

The Lazar household, like many, is the home of several pets of distinction.

Presently in residence are Liquorice the labrador, Henry the Hog, Dumpling (known also as Dirty Dumpling) and the recently acquired Mahoney rescued from a dustbin.

Alack, recently interred under the oak is Motorcat, while swimming on the piano are Botha, Mugabe and Golda Meir.

There's no doubt that over the years, each animal, in its special way, has added something to the quality of our lives.

Such as hefty bills for repairing bits and pieces of dog and cat, ruptured, torn and chewed in various misadventures.

While shopping I noticed a large poster advertising a canine beauty contest. I immediately entered Henry the Hog, for with his good looks and personality, there is no doubt he'll give every other entrant a run for their tail.

Warthog-like in appearance, with a large ruff and bald backside, he holds his tail perkily upright on running and is known for his expertise on art.

At the Artists in the Sun exhibition held monthly at Zoo Lake, Henry the Hog personally marks the paintings of which he approves by lifting his leg against each one.

Liquorice has also contributed in her small way by playfully attacking the turning front wheel of a motor scooter and unseating the driver, causing him minor injuries and major damages which, 10 years later, we are still paying off.

Dumpling, an erstwhile white Maltese, kept the local pet parlour in a strong financial position to which they had become accustomed until I shaved her bald and pink.

It will suffice to say that Mahoney, a possible St Bernard — our vet isn't really sure — has the appetite and the looks of a dinosaur.

"I want to do something special for our pets for Pet Care week," I announced to my family.

"Find them new homes," muttered my husband. I don't think he was joking.

In line with Pet Care Week, we are upgrading our pet's living quarters and adding a jacuzzi and sauna.

Top chef Lyndall Popper is compiling a special set of menus for canine and piscatory palates and depending on animal lover Reeva Forman's court schedule this week, I'm hoping to ask her to compere the glittering gala occasion at the Civic Centre on Wednesday night.

All proceeds of course, will go to the SPCA.

It seems Henry the Hog appreciates all the extra attention and has become particularly solicitous in return. Only yesterday morning, he brought me tea in bed.

It is reported that an American woman has filed for divorce and intends marrying her dog.

She has a point.

■