Carol’s Column

Is man really necessary?

AT THE bookclub meeting we cast off our bras, aired our hairy armpits in the breeze and toasted Beverly Wakem in retsina.

"Good old Bev," said Agatha Crump as she threw back her third glass of retsina on the rocks.

We could only agree, for hadn't the intrepid Ms Wakem cast the bull among the bollocks, so to speak, when she single-handedly banned 151 sexist words from the air waves of New Zealand?

Who is Beverly Wakem you might ask? She is to the New Zealanders what Riaan Eksteen was to us before he so sadly, albeit not penuriously, departed from the SABC. Ms Wakem is the director-general of the New Zealand Broadcasting Corporation.

Manhole, snowman, masterpiece, bridesmaid, barmaid, fatherland — the list of male chauvinist verbiage was endless. There was no doubt that the English language was a despotic male plot to degrade and abuse women.

"In fact," said my good friend Betty elaborating on this fascinating theme, "if you were to take words at their face value, you would imagine men were trying to eliminate us by ignoring our presence."

"True," muttered Bertha Ginkel. "Everything is male orientated. Even Dr Spock only ever fraternised with boy babies, because his entire book is in the 'he'."

"Yes," said Agatha, "English is a male-dominated language. There isn't even an opposite for the word misogynist. Nor is there one for the word womaniser. Take a womaniser. How do you regard him?"

"With great interest," murmured my good friend Betty.

Agatha flared her nostrils, a sign of incipient anger. "No, the word 'womaniser' is tolerant. It's an admiring word, a benevolent word. Now what do men call women with a healthy interest in men? They call them nymphomaniacs, that's what. It's a disparaging, judgemental word."

We all nodded angrily as we sipped the retsina.

That evening, as I rolled the mince meat stuffing into the sweet and sour cabbage leaves, I decided that it was the duty of every feminist to do her bit towards the eradication of sexist language and attitudes. Furthermore, the action would start on the home front, I decided as I grimly ground the peppercorns into the pepperoni sauce.

The opportunity arose as we dined in usual happy family disunity.

"I think it's debatable whether or not Pik Botha's a statesman?" said my third unmarried son.

"He's definitely not," I replied sharply. "He's a statesperson."

My husband's eyebrows crawled into his cow's lick and he twitched his left nostril, a sign of displeasure.

"He's a past master at saying nothing," continued Jamie.

"A past person," I growled. Just then the doorbell rang.

"Ma, it's the postman with a registered letter," yelled my daughter.

"Postperson."

"I think your mother's trying to make a point," said my husband, always an astute observer of human behaviour.

In the following half an hour's conversation the words fisherman, salesmanship, manliness, talisman, gingerbread man, craftsman, draughtsman, penmanship, spokesman, milkman, old-boy and mankind were eliminated from the conversation. As were maiden overs and forefathers.

A barren over was far more explicit and less offensive.

Meanwhile, Ms Wakem has caused a furore in the land and throughout South Africa women are forming militant groups to protest against verbal discrimination.

Huge banners proclaiming 'Ban the MEN of menopause', and others of such ilk, are appearing everywhere.

Wawa (Women Against Word Abuse) has seven million and three members. And only this week a petition was delivered to Parliament to condemn the Oxford Dictionary and demand its censorship on discriminatory grounds.

For "Man" is defined as a human being, an animal with the power of articulate speech and upright posture, whereas "Woman" is defined as effeminate and unmanly. A human female with feminine emotions.

There is no doubt, the zephyrs of change are blowing through the land and the women of Africa are on the march.

Manfully we shall overcome.

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